We often work with groups containing friends, neighbours and families. These are great ingredients to have, but sometimes people knowing each other ‘in real life’ causes difficulties.
Fall-outs can cause fallout
Disputes or slights between members of a group, or people they are close to, can seriously change the dynamics within a group,
Rules don’t apply
Having a pre-existing relationship might mean that group members feel that the rules of the group don’t apply to them. For example they might use language or insults with each other that they wouldn’t with someone they knew less well. Feeling like the rules don’t apply can also show up in how group members interact with children that they know. Again this might be through language or physical contact.
What can you do?
When you are supporting a group you need to help them to get over barriers and obstacles together. It’s important to make sure everybody knows and agrees what they are trying to achieve. Once a common goal is agreed you can ask whether specific behaviours are helping them to get there or are getting in the way. Groups with a clear focus tend to be better at policing themselves for unhelpful behaviours.
Ground rules help
It’s good to establish ground rules that everyone understands and agrees to. For example, it might be helpful for people to leave things that have happened outside the group at the door. Or for people to acknowledge to the group if they are being influenced by things that have happened elsewhere. Remember to record any rules that are agrees and, if you can, make them visible or remind everyone of them during meetings (along with the group’s goal).
A quiet word
If a particular person keeps on breaking the ground rules it can be helpful to talk to them privately. First of all, check that they still want to achieve the group’s goal, then, as kindly as you can, explain how their behaviour is causing a problem. Use inclusive language and open questions such as “how are we going to make this work?” to keep them on board.
Learn as you go
A group is an organic, dynamic thing. Accept that you won’t get everything right from the off. The important thing is to learn as you go. For example a group that we’re working with recently put on an event and someone who had volunteered to help out brought their children with them. This affected their ability to carry out the role they’d been given by the group, so it’s now a group rule that volunteers ensure their children are being supervised by somebody else during group events.